Sticks and Stones Will Break My Bones...

 (the following is something that I wrote some time ago. I've spent a large amount of time going back over it and adding pertinent things or taking away things that did not matter. I've not felt right publishing it prior to this. However, since today is April 1 and that marks Autism Awareness Month I have decided it was time. I apologize for the lack of funny in this one, but it's very important to me)

Sticks and stones will break my bones....but words will never hurt me...

Whoever coined that phrase was full of shit. Pardon my french. The reality is that words, when spoken by specific people, have the power to truly cause emotion. They can lift a person up and make them smile. They can pull them down and cause them pain. It's very obvious that the phrase was created before the mass effect of Facebook and the ability to read what people truly feel and believe.

Yes I have a reason for feeling this way today. And yes I am going to share it. Because I think that anyone who reads this....both of you....might gather something from understanding the true power of the words you use.

 Drama Queen has Asperger's Syndrome. If you don't know much about that, well that is not uncommon. It is a form of Autism, but unlike some forms it is considered high functioning. In other words, it doesn't cause the marked delays that one might see in a child with more severe Autism.

The fact is many people do not understand Autism and those that know a little about it do not understand the many forms of Autism that are on the spectrum. April is Autism Awareness Month and for me this is a time when you help bring that awareness. It's a time to open the eyes of the world to what makes my child different. What makes her who she is. A time to understand that she is not some freak that deserves to be ostracized because she is unique.

I love my daughter the way she is. I will shout that from the rooftops. There are many things about her personality that are brought on from having Autism. And yes I love those things. I should NOT have to be ashamed of that.

That does NOT mean that we have not struggled. Just because she is high functioning does not mean I have not faced the battles other moms have faced. Some of them are the same. Some are different. Even now as a teen we face battles EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And at least twice a week she cries and wishes she did not have Autism. I should not have to sit and give proof that yes we struggle. But for the sake of this post I will. Here are just a few things we have struggled with over the years thanks to Autism.

1. She didn't speak to ANYONE except me until she was 8 years old
2. She couldn't stand loud noises as a child even toilets flushing, so going to a public bathroom required two people. One to take her outside after she was finished so the other could flush.
3. Overstimulation would cause her to melt down. This often resulted in throwing herself into the floor and screaming wherever we were at and she would have to physically be carried out.
4. She would often run when frustrated and this included into streets. She ALWAYS had to have her hand held and you had to be cautious not to upset her.
5. She would bang her head repeatedly on the ground, even concrete, when upset.
6. She pulled her hair out by clumps
7. She couldn't tolerate some clothes and she screamed when her hair was brushed
8. As she got older she lagged behind socially
9. She lacks empathy and the ability to understand how to say the right thing...instead she blurts out whatever is on her mind and this often leads to upsetting people.
10. She has a very hard time maintaining any social relationships.
11. Personal hygiene is a DAILY struggle.We actually have a checklist to go through every morning so that we are sure she has done things every teen needs to do, like putting on deodorant.
12. She is ostracized and picked on a lot and she doesn't understand that it is happening.
13. She struggled in school to the point that we had no choice but to pull her out and homeschool her for several years. We put her back in, at her own request, this year and thank the Lord she is doing well.
14. She smeared her waste on walls for a good year.
15. She used a pacifier until she was 7 years old (only at night during 6,7 because she didn't want anyone to know)
16. She wasn't potty trained until she was almost 5 and about to start kindergarten
17. She still to this day has many sensory issues such as not being able to stand anything near her eyes. I have to do her makeup and it takes a long time and a lot of patience because as much as she wants to wear it, she still can't stand anything near her eyes.
18. For many years when she was younger the meltdowns were extreme. There were days when it took two of us to hold her still while she raged about something.
19. 75% of what she does is emulation. She sees what she is supposed to do and copies it. If a situation comes up that she does not understand, she has absolutely no clue what to do or how to react.
20. She has and has always had a hard time being away from us. She's just recently began to go on overnight trips with the youth group and still only rarely stays the night with a friend.
21. The vast majority of people think that she is just strange because of her naivety and the way she reacts. A fact that she handles well at times and cries about at other times. 


These are only a few of the struggles we have or are facing with Drama Queen. All of these are the result of Autism. So YES. I have faced many of the same issues that others have faced. And every day is still a struggle. Even as a 'high functioning' person she faces a world that is foreign to many.

Just because I treasure my daughter and love her quirkiness, does not mean I am celebrating Autism. Just because I do not spend my life taking on battles that I do not have the time or energy to take on does not mean I am somehow making light of those who have done so. Yes I have raised Drama Queen to believe that this is something she has and that it does not define her. She can be anyone she wants to be. I will not apologize for believing that. I will not apologize for raising her to believe that. She has embraced that and now strives to do better. My once struggling student is now making As and Bs and the girl who could barely keep a friendship alive has not only friends, but a boyfriend (2nd one in 2 months ha). She can also stand on a stage, sing in front of hundreds of people and totally shock anyone who hasn't seen it before. Would it be better if I raised her to believe that she were doomed for life because of this? That her dreams could never come true? That she would somehow always be less than?

I am tired of being made to feel like I am less than because I don't subscribe to the doom and gloom theory. That does not mean I celebrate being Autistic. It does not mean that I would choose this for Drama Queen. It does not mean that I wouldn't take her struggles away if I could. I HATE what she goes through.

But the fact is, there is no way to take it away from her. So I'd rather she accept it, own it and love herself in spite of it. I'd rather she believe in the ability to chase her dreams than feel like she were doomed to a life of misery. And I'm tired of people acting like I am somehow not a good mom for feeling that way. Or like I only feel that way because my daughter is high functioning and so I just don't understand. Believe me, I understand it all. More than I ever wanted to understand.

Dear Rodent....

Dear Rodent,

I am superwoman. I can take down men three times my size thanks to my willingness to hit below the belt. I parent a teenage girl and deal with the drama, talking and crazy questions that come with it. There is little in my life that scares me.

This may not have been evident when you creeped out from behind my trash can last week. When I jumped about 4 feet off the chair and held my feet up in the air. As I gasped for the breath it would take to call Grumpy to come downstairs. During that four seconds that you looked at me and the room moved in slow motion, it may have seemed that I had left my cape in another room. In fact, I was contemplating whether the danger of standing in a chair on wheels on the hardwood floor was worse than the danger that would come if you scurried across my feet.

You even looked at the cat. My protector. The one barrier I have against rodents such as yourself. Because I know that even if you appeared smaller than the size of my fist, you hold the power to take me down through cardiac arrest. I know that you spend your days and nights crawling across my cabinets. Potentially touching my silverware or my food. I know that you reproduce faster than a Duggar. The cat simply stared at you and licked himself. So you turned and went back into your hole. But, my friend, you underestimated me.

Of course it may not have seemed that I was superior to you three days later when you walked out of that same hole, around the trap that was set, and stared me down. This time you came closer to me. This time you came by my desk. You came out long before the late night rendezvous I expected you to have. You were showing me who was boss in this house. I probably didn't look like the king of the home as I sat with my short legs lifted in the air and screamed. You probably went back to your dwelling with a chuckle as no one in this house (and trust me there are too many people in this house) came to my rescue. I'd bet you sat at that hole and watched me run across the floor to get out of the room. I'm sure you told all of your buddies about how I made Grumpy watch for you while I took a shower. Maybe that is why you headed in the direction of the shower to begin with. It was a form of mental torture. Yet, you underestimated me again.

That night it became my mission to catch and/or destroy you. Those traps were filled with other things. Apparently you were lactose intolerant. How about a bite of meatloaf? My friend Google said peanut butter would work. And today I went out and bought poison. We had tried the humane way. Now it was time to end this battle.

Murphy's Law number 5,678,456,400 says that if I go and buy more stuff to remove the rodents from my home, it will go into the trap I've already paid for while I'm gone. And you did. Apparently meatloaf is your 'thang', So you left my home today. My feet are again on the floor. And I'm hoping you didn't produce 16 children that will torture me for taking away their daddy.

How do you like me now?

Sincerely,
Crazee Lady

The Exit is to the Left..

One of three things has just occurred and now you sit staring at the screen.

1. You completely believe that I am awesome at its finest and you are waiting with bated breath on my latest entry so that you can stay up to date on the happenings of my life.

2. You currently parent a teenage daughter (or son) and you can somehow sympathize with the misery and struggles that these alien lifeforms have invoked upon us.

3. You stumbled to this site through another means and you are fearful that you will not make it out without being somehow warped into believing that child-rearing during the adolescent years is scary and frustrating while still being funny as hell.

If it is one of the first two then I would like to take a moment to welcome you to my humble abode. I don't provide milk and cookies, but I'd be glad to offer you a frozen mixed drink from the pouch. You have not entered a typical mommy blog and you are certainly not looking at the average mommy. I parent a teenager and that means I need a thick skin, a good sense of humor and possibly protection from warfare at any time. Hanging around here long enough will ensure you also have the tools you need to raise, and potentially torture, your own teen.

If, however, you fall into example number three then I have to advise you to leave as quickly as possible. I am on a mission to brainwash all parents into my way of thinking and I can't promise that you won't be next on my list. Your accidental landing on this page could result in such dangerous symptoms as fits of laughter, the ability to tease your own child and a sense of calm that comes from knowing you are not alone. You can quickly collect your valuables, place your seat in the upright position and find the nearest exit.