Posts
I promise that coming soon I will be back to regular posting. This Spring Break has been astonishingly crazy....for me. Drama Queen spent the entirety sitting around talking of how bored she was. I, on the the other hand, had to schedule my potty breaks. But things are settling down and I will be back on the blogging bandwagon in a couple of days. I'll be sure to make up.....errr share some really great stories with you all.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Sticks and Stones Will Break My Bones...
(the following is something that I wrote some time ago. I've spent a large amount of time going back over it and adding pertinent things or taking away things that did not matter. I've not felt right publishing it prior to this. However, since today is April 1 and that marks Autism Awareness Month I have decided it was time. I apologize for the lack of funny in this one, but it's very important to me)
Sticks and stones will break my bones....but words will never hurt me...
Whoever coined that phrase was full of shit. Pardon my french. The reality is that words, when spoken by specific people, have the power to truly cause emotion. They can lift a person up and make them smile. They can pull them down and cause them pain. It's very obvious that the phrase was created before the mass effect of Facebook and the ability to read what people truly feel and believe.
Yes I have a reason for feeling this way today. And yes I am going to share it. Because I think that anyone who reads this....both of you....might gather something from understanding the true power of the words you use.
Drama Queen has Asperger's Syndrome. If you don't know much about that, well that is not uncommon. It is a form of Autism, but unlike some forms it is considered high functioning. In other words, it doesn't cause the marked delays that one might see in a child with more severe Autism.
The fact is many people do not understand Autism and those that know a little about it do not understand the many forms of Autism that are on the spectrum. April is Autism Awareness Month and for me this is a time when you help bring that awareness. It's a time to open the eyes of the world to what makes my child different. What makes her who she is. A time to understand that she is not some freak that deserves to be ostracized because she is unique.
I love my daughter the way she is. I will shout that from the rooftops. There are many things about her personality that are brought on from having Autism. And yes I love those things. I should NOT have to be ashamed of that.
That does NOT mean that we have not struggled. Just because she is high functioning does not mean I have not faced the battles other moms have faced. Some of them are the same. Some are different. Even now as a teen we face battles EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And at least twice a week she cries and wishes she did not have Autism. I should not have to sit and give proof that yes we struggle. But for the sake of this post I will. Here are just a few things we have struggled with over the years thanks to Autism.
1. She didn't speak to ANYONE except me until she was 8 years old
2. She couldn't stand loud noises as a child even toilets flushing, so going to a public bathroom required two people. One to take her outside after she was finished so the other could flush.
3. Overstimulation would cause her to melt down. This often resulted in throwing herself into the floor and screaming wherever we were at and she would have to physically be carried out.
4. She would often run when frustrated and this included into streets. She ALWAYS had to have her hand held and you had to be cautious not to upset her.
5. She would bang her head repeatedly on the ground, even concrete, when upset.
6. She pulled her hair out by clumps
7. She couldn't tolerate some clothes and she screamed when her hair was brushed
8. As she got older she lagged behind socially
9. She lacks empathy and the ability to understand how to say the right thing...instead she blurts out whatever is on her mind and this often leads to upsetting people.
10. She has a very hard time maintaining any social relationships.
11. Personal hygiene is a DAILY struggle.We actually have a checklist to go through every morning so that we are sure she has done things every teen needs to do, like putting on deodorant.
12. She is ostracized and picked on a lot and she doesn't understand that it is happening.
13. She struggled in school to the point that we had no choice but to pull her out and homeschool her for several years. We put her back in, at her own request, this year and thank the Lord she is doing well.
14. She smeared her waste on walls for a good year.
15. She used a pacifier until she was 7 years old (only at night during 6,7 because she didn't want anyone to know)
16. She wasn't potty trained until she was almost 5 and about to start kindergarten
17. She still to this day has many sensory issues such as not being able to stand anything near her eyes. I have to do her makeup and it takes a long time and a lot of patience because as much as she wants to wear it, she still can't stand anything near her eyes.
18. For many years when she was younger the meltdowns were extreme. There were days when it took two of us to hold her still while she raged about something.
19. 75% of what she does is emulation. She sees what she is supposed to do and copies it. If a situation comes up that she does not understand, she has absolutely no clue what to do or how to react.
20. She has and has always had a hard time being away from us. She's just recently began to go on overnight trips with the youth group and still only rarely stays the night with a friend.
21. The vast majority of people think that she is just strange because of her naivety and the way she reacts. A fact that she handles well at times and cries about at other times.
These are only a few of the struggles we have or are facing with Drama Queen. All of these are the result of Autism. So YES. I have faced many of the same issues that others have faced. And every day is still a struggle. Even as a 'high functioning' person she faces a world that is foreign to many.
Just because I treasure my daughter and love her quirkiness, does not mean I am celebrating Autism. Just because I do not spend my life taking on battles that I do not have the time or energy to take on does not mean I am somehow making light of those who have done so. Yes I have raised Drama Queen to believe that this is something she has and that it does not define her. She can be anyone she wants to be. I will not apologize for believing that. I will not apologize for raising her to believe that. She has embraced that and now strives to do better. My once struggling student is now making As and Bs and the girl who could barely keep a friendship alive has not only friends, but a boyfriend (2nd one in 2 months ha). She can also stand on a stage, sing in front of hundreds of people and totally shock anyone who hasn't seen it before. Would it be better if I raised her to believe that she were doomed for life because of this? That her dreams could never come true? That she would somehow always be less than?
I am tired of being made to feel like I am less than because I don't subscribe to the doom and gloom theory. That does not mean I celebrate being Autistic. It does not mean that I would choose this for Drama Queen. It does not mean that I wouldn't take her struggles away if I could. I HATE what she goes through.
But the fact is, there is no way to take it away from her. So I'd rather she accept it, own it and love herself in spite of it. I'd rather she believe in the ability to chase her dreams than feel like she were doomed to a life of misery. And I'm tired of people acting like I am somehow not a good mom for feeling that way. Or like I only feel that way because my daughter is high functioning and so I just don't understand. Believe me, I understand it all. More than I ever wanted to understand.
Sticks and stones will break my bones....but words will never hurt me...
Whoever coined that phrase was full of shit. Pardon my french. The reality is that words, when spoken by specific people, have the power to truly cause emotion. They can lift a person up and make them smile. They can pull them down and cause them pain. It's very obvious that the phrase was created before the mass effect of Facebook and the ability to read what people truly feel and believe.
Yes I have a reason for feeling this way today. And yes I am going to share it. Because I think that anyone who reads this....both of you....might gather something from understanding the true power of the words you use.
Drama Queen has Asperger's Syndrome. If you don't know much about that, well that is not uncommon. It is a form of Autism, but unlike some forms it is considered high functioning. In other words, it doesn't cause the marked delays that one might see in a child with more severe Autism.
The fact is many people do not understand Autism and those that know a little about it do not understand the many forms of Autism that are on the spectrum. April is Autism Awareness Month and for me this is a time when you help bring that awareness. It's a time to open the eyes of the world to what makes my child different. What makes her who she is. A time to understand that she is not some freak that deserves to be ostracized because she is unique.
I love my daughter the way she is. I will shout that from the rooftops. There are many things about her personality that are brought on from having Autism. And yes I love those things. I should NOT have to be ashamed of that.
That does NOT mean that we have not struggled. Just because she is high functioning does not mean I have not faced the battles other moms have faced. Some of them are the same. Some are different. Even now as a teen we face battles EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And at least twice a week she cries and wishes she did not have Autism. I should not have to sit and give proof that yes we struggle. But for the sake of this post I will. Here are just a few things we have struggled with over the years thanks to Autism.
1. She didn't speak to ANYONE except me until she was 8 years old
2. She couldn't stand loud noises as a child even toilets flushing, so going to a public bathroom required two people. One to take her outside after she was finished so the other could flush.
3. Overstimulation would cause her to melt down. This often resulted in throwing herself into the floor and screaming wherever we were at and she would have to physically be carried out.
4. She would often run when frustrated and this included into streets. She ALWAYS had to have her hand held and you had to be cautious not to upset her.
5. She would bang her head repeatedly on the ground, even concrete, when upset.
6. She pulled her hair out by clumps
7. She couldn't tolerate some clothes and she screamed when her hair was brushed
8. As she got older she lagged behind socially
9. She lacks empathy and the ability to understand how to say the right thing...instead she blurts out whatever is on her mind and this often leads to upsetting people.
10. She has a very hard time maintaining any social relationships.
11. Personal hygiene is a DAILY struggle.We actually have a checklist to go through every morning so that we are sure she has done things every teen needs to do, like putting on deodorant.
12. She is ostracized and picked on a lot and she doesn't understand that it is happening.
13. She struggled in school to the point that we had no choice but to pull her out and homeschool her for several years. We put her back in, at her own request, this year and thank the Lord she is doing well.
14. She smeared her waste on walls for a good year.
15. She used a pacifier until she was 7 years old (only at night during 6,7 because she didn't want anyone to know)
16. She wasn't potty trained until she was almost 5 and about to start kindergarten
17. She still to this day has many sensory issues such as not being able to stand anything near her eyes. I have to do her makeup and it takes a long time and a lot of patience because as much as she wants to wear it, she still can't stand anything near her eyes.
18. For many years when she was younger the meltdowns were extreme. There were days when it took two of us to hold her still while she raged about something.
19. 75% of what she does is emulation. She sees what she is supposed to do and copies it. If a situation comes up that she does not understand, she has absolutely no clue what to do or how to react.
20. She has and has always had a hard time being away from us. She's just recently began to go on overnight trips with the youth group and still only rarely stays the night with a friend.
21. The vast majority of people think that she is just strange because of her naivety and the way she reacts. A fact that she handles well at times and cries about at other times.
These are only a few of the struggles we have or are facing with Drama Queen. All of these are the result of Autism. So YES. I have faced many of the same issues that others have faced. And every day is still a struggle. Even as a 'high functioning' person she faces a world that is foreign to many.
Just because I treasure my daughter and love her quirkiness, does not mean I am celebrating Autism. Just because I do not spend my life taking on battles that I do not have the time or energy to take on does not mean I am somehow making light of those who have done so. Yes I have raised Drama Queen to believe that this is something she has and that it does not define her. She can be anyone she wants to be. I will not apologize for believing that. I will not apologize for raising her to believe that. She has embraced that and now strives to do better. My once struggling student is now making As and Bs and the girl who could barely keep a friendship alive has not only friends, but a boyfriend (2nd one in 2 months ha). She can also stand on a stage, sing in front of hundreds of people and totally shock anyone who hasn't seen it before. Would it be better if I raised her to believe that she were doomed for life because of this? That her dreams could never come true? That she would somehow always be less than?
I am tired of being made to feel like I am less than because I don't subscribe to the doom and gloom theory. That does not mean I celebrate being Autistic. It does not mean that I would choose this for Drama Queen. It does not mean that I wouldn't take her struggles away if I could. I HATE what she goes through.
But the fact is, there is no way to take it away from her. So I'd rather she accept it, own it and love herself in spite of it. I'd rather she believe in the ability to chase her dreams than feel like she were doomed to a life of misery. And I'm tired of people acting like I am somehow not a good mom for feeling that way. Or like I only feel that way because my daughter is high functioning and so I just don't understand. Believe me, I understand it all. More than I ever wanted to understand.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Mess with Me and Scrub a Urinal....
When you have a teenager you know that life is a turbulent ride. It's even worse with a teenage girl because you have the whole added bonus of PMS to contend with. Your normally sullen teenage daughter can go from fine to bitch in 2.3 seconds. So it's always a bonus when you have a day where she willingly does a chore, smiles at you or simply doesn't jump down your throat because you made the mistake of existing on the same planet. Then there are those other moments. Those sweet times that are few and far between. Those times when you can look at said teenager and laugh. Hysterically. It is even sweeter when what you are laughing at is their own torment.
Let me give you a back story. Drama Queen has a BFF. This BFF has been around for 9 years now. She's as much my daughter as DQ is. In fact, from time to time she practically lives at our house. Since crazee people tend to associate with crazee people, it makes sense that BFF has learned that humor, sarcasm and humiliation are the main rules in our home. And she is good at it. For the past year or so, BFF has taken to hacking my Facebook page. Even if I log out, she is able to get in because my browser remembers the password. Convenient for me on the days that she is not here. Not so much on the days she is.
My statuses always revolve around my butt, my feet, warts and gas. It's become so common that if she isn't around for a while people on my Facebook start telling me they miss her and the hacking. New people on my Facebook are often shocked and I can't count the number of times I've had church people come to me with amazed faces and ask who in the world hacked my account. And because passing gas and warts on the feet is always a great conversation to have at church, I answer.
So the other day BFF was here and we even went so far as to play board games with the two of them. I took time off from work to do so. And what did I get? A new Facebook status. Of course it was about my butt and my feet. Well we had an obligation to go and help with the spring cleaning at church. At first, the girls didn't want to go. In typical teenage style they waited until we were halfway there to change their minds and have us come back for them. So we did. Little did I know that I had posted another status while I was in the car on my way to church.
We picked them up and we headed to church. When we got there they put me and Grumpy to work right away helping go through, clean and organize toys in the kids rooms. DQ and BFF were left on their own. I knew someone would find something for them to do. Imagine my surprise, and utter joy, when I found out they were sent to clean the bathroom. The mens bathroom.
It was a sweet revenge that I could not have planned better if I had had a hand in it. These girls that had taken to hacking my Facebook status were standing face to face with urinals. They later went to the nursery to help, but the entire ride back home they griped about cleaning the bathroom. And I laughed. And I thought to myself that this was one moment I would not forget.
And when a new friend walked up to me that night in church and looked shocked when she asked about who hacked my Facebook, I answered politely with the truth. Inside, I was laughing and saying "The one that is currently cleaning the urinals. Payback is hell".
Let me give you a back story. Drama Queen has a BFF. This BFF has been around for 9 years now. She's as much my daughter as DQ is. In fact, from time to time she practically lives at our house. Since crazee people tend to associate with crazee people, it makes sense that BFF has learned that humor, sarcasm and humiliation are the main rules in our home. And she is good at it. For the past year or so, BFF has taken to hacking my Facebook page. Even if I log out, she is able to get in because my browser remembers the password. Convenient for me on the days that she is not here. Not so much on the days she is.
My statuses always revolve around my butt, my feet, warts and gas. It's become so common that if she isn't around for a while people on my Facebook start telling me they miss her and the hacking. New people on my Facebook are often shocked and I can't count the number of times I've had church people come to me with amazed faces and ask who in the world hacked my account. And because passing gas and warts on the feet is always a great conversation to have at church, I answer.
So the other day BFF was here and we even went so far as to play board games with the two of them. I took time off from work to do so. And what did I get? A new Facebook status. Of course it was about my butt and my feet. Well we had an obligation to go and help with the spring cleaning at church. At first, the girls didn't want to go. In typical teenage style they waited until we were halfway there to change their minds and have us come back for them. So we did. Little did I know that I had posted another status while I was in the car on my way to church.
We picked them up and we headed to church. When we got there they put me and Grumpy to work right away helping go through, clean and organize toys in the kids rooms. DQ and BFF were left on their own. I knew someone would find something for them to do. Imagine my surprise, and utter joy, when I found out they were sent to clean the bathroom. The mens bathroom.
It was a sweet revenge that I could not have planned better if I had had a hand in it. These girls that had taken to hacking my Facebook status were standing face to face with urinals. They later went to the nursery to help, but the entire ride back home they griped about cleaning the bathroom. And I laughed. And I thought to myself that this was one moment I would not forget.
And when a new friend walked up to me that night in church and looked shocked when she asked about who hacked my Facebook, I answered politely with the truth. Inside, I was laughing and saying "The one that is currently cleaning the urinals. Payback is hell".
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
That's a Good Question....How Does It Make You Feel?
A couple of weeks ago the school sent home a flyer. They were having a workshop for parents on how to talk to your kids about sex. I looked at it and thought, hm that could be interesting. Then, naturally, I put it aside. After all, when your daughter informs you that people think she's weird because she doesn't know what masturbation is at the dinner table it's a pretty good bet that you have a grasp on having those conversations. So I didn't feel I really needed lessons in how to talk to her. Now don't get me wrong. It's a GREAT program that is much needed in our school system. But we are pretty much an open book around here.
Then they called me. Turns out the first twenty-five that registered got a $25 gift card.
Holy crow sign me up. I may not need lessons, but I always need money. Besides it wasn't a bad program at all. So why not go and see what they have to say and get my $25. Of course I signed Grumpy up too because if I have to get through this so does he. A fact he was less than thrilled by.
So we went. And we laughed. And we actually learned some things. And we role played. We had to be the teen and be the parent. And there was another person to observe. The goal was to see if you did it right. During my time as the parent I had another lady that was so into this. And I learned that I'm stumped with questions. And that "WHAT???" is not a proper answer. But then the fun began. I got to be the teen. And guess who was my dad? Yep. Grumpy.
So I asked the question much like Drama Queen would. I even included the name of The "EX" Boyfriend. And I kept asking. And I kept asking. And he never could get past "Talk to Your Mom". It's the most fun I've had all week.
I learned that I'm okay at it, but really need some practice with that shock thing.
I learned that it's best if Drama Queen NEVER goes to Grumpy with her problems.
And we each got a gift card so we scored $50.
And one poor man learned that even though he has people from church on his daughter's Facebook friends list so that they can watch her....there are ways around that. Which made me learn that I'm actually a pretty smart parent after all because I knew that. He, however, likely left very disheartened with his own parenting.
Then they called me. Turns out the first twenty-five that registered got a $25 gift card.
Holy crow sign me up. I may not need lessons, but I always need money. Besides it wasn't a bad program at all. So why not go and see what they have to say and get my $25. Of course I signed Grumpy up too because if I have to get through this so does he. A fact he was less than thrilled by.
So we went. And we laughed. And we actually learned some things. And we role played. We had to be the teen and be the parent. And there was another person to observe. The goal was to see if you did it right. During my time as the parent I had another lady that was so into this. And I learned that I'm stumped with questions. And that "WHAT???" is not a proper answer. But then the fun began. I got to be the teen. And guess who was my dad? Yep. Grumpy.
So I asked the question much like Drama Queen would. I even included the name of The "EX" Boyfriend. And I kept asking. And I kept asking. And he never could get past "Talk to Your Mom". It's the most fun I've had all week.
I learned that I'm okay at it, but really need some practice with that shock thing.
I learned that it's best if Drama Queen NEVER goes to Grumpy with her problems.
And we each got a gift card so we scored $50.
And one poor man learned that even though he has people from church on his daughter's Facebook friends list so that they can watch her....there are ways around that. Which made me learn that I'm actually a pretty smart parent after all because I knew that. He, however, likely left very disheartened with his own parenting.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Warning! Warning! It's the Wife....
Grumpy got a new phone. Well technically he got Drama Queen's old phone. His was too advanced for his skill set. It required touching the screen and being able to hit the right number, letter or icon. So he downgraded to a standard slider phone. We are all prepay around here. No way would I pay the rates that some of these companies charge for a phone when I can have unlimited for 50 bucks a month.
Grumpy doesn't need unlimited because the only person to call him is me and that's just so I don't have to walk down the hall and bellow up the stairs. Drama Queen needs unlimited text but not so many minutes because she doesn't believe the voice is essential in communicating. Unless of course it's with me and then her voice is going non-stop. So we all have different plans and different phones. When Grumpy downgraded to a phone for dummies he had to switch providers. The old phone was a different one. With this provider he has the ability to download ringtones. To help him out, I introduced him to Phonezoo.
I think that was my biggest mistake. A few minutes later I heard this obnoxious sounding noise from upstairs that resembled the warning signals from Star Trek. I feared what he was doing now. After all I've been listening to his obnoxious email alert for like 3 years now. Who knows what show theme he was downloading.
It was worse than I feared.
He downloaded a ringtone specifically for me. It has all these alert sounds and it makes you think the planet is exploding. Then a voice comes over and yells "Warning, Warning. It's the Wife!!" lovely. That should be quite entertaining to everyone else. Although with those alarms, it would be funny to play on December 21.
He spent most of his day yesterday adding ringtones for everyone he knows. It's like seeing a kid at Christmas. I guess now that he has a phone his brain cells can work he's decided he actually enjoys having a phone.
However, he takes forever to answer the phone now. Apparently he needs to sit and listen to this warning message for a few minutes and snicker to himself. Since he thinks it's the funniest thing on the planet of course.
Now I need a ringtone that says "IDIOT CALLING"
Grumpy doesn't need unlimited because the only person to call him is me and that's just so I don't have to walk down the hall and bellow up the stairs. Drama Queen needs unlimited text but not so many minutes because she doesn't believe the voice is essential in communicating. Unless of course it's with me and then her voice is going non-stop. So we all have different plans and different phones. When Grumpy downgraded to a phone for dummies he had to switch providers. The old phone was a different one. With this provider he has the ability to download ringtones. To help him out, I introduced him to Phonezoo.
I think that was my biggest mistake. A few minutes later I heard this obnoxious sounding noise from upstairs that resembled the warning signals from Star Trek. I feared what he was doing now. After all I've been listening to his obnoxious email alert for like 3 years now. Who knows what show theme he was downloading.
It was worse than I feared.
He downloaded a ringtone specifically for me. It has all these alert sounds and it makes you think the planet is exploding. Then a voice comes over and yells "Warning, Warning. It's the Wife!!" lovely. That should be quite entertaining to everyone else. Although with those alarms, it would be funny to play on December 21.
He spent most of his day yesterday adding ringtones for everyone he knows. It's like seeing a kid at Christmas. I guess now that he has a phone his brain cells can work he's decided he actually enjoys having a phone.
However, he takes forever to answer the phone now. Apparently he needs to sit and listen to this warning message for a few minutes and snicker to himself. Since he thinks it's the funniest thing on the planet of course.
Now I need a ringtone that says "IDIOT CALLING"
Friday, March 23, 2012
I'm a Prisoner in my Home....
He's back. Not only is he back, but he's holding me captive in my own home. I tried to go outside last night. When I did he sat there, less than 10 feet away, and stared me down. Neither of us moved for a good 3 seconds. Then I did what any strong and powerful woman would do. I backed up, went inside and shut the door. But I continued to stare him down. I may be a prisoner, but I was going to make him uncomfortable.
I told Grumpy that he didn't want to take the dogs outside. They wouldn't be safe. They, too, were being held captive. Soon Grumpy was beside me. We watched. We waited. He sat there and didn't move. Then he saw us. His eyes met mine and I knew that he knew that I was watching him. Grumpy had a bright idea. He was going to go after him. So he did.
He headed outside and towards the tree. That vicious creature had been coming down. I'm not sure what Grumpy had in mind when he headed out there. Maybe he was going to take him to dinner and a movie. All I know is he walked off the deck and to the tree that held him. He stared up towards him, but he had disappeared. Grumpy then proceeded to circle the tree. Like a lion looking for his prey, he walked around and around looking up the entire time. I think I heard him talking, and I kind of wondered what he was saying, but I kept the door shut so that I was safe. If Grumpy was going down, he was not going to take me with him. I was willing to sacrifice him if that meant freedom for the rest of us.
He didn't have to worry. The creature crawled up the tree and sat at the top. Watching Grumpy circle. Probably laughing and thinking he should come down just to see the dude at the bottom run like a little girl. But he didn't. He just sat there and watched. After about 20 minutes Grumpy decided it was pointless. He came back inside and we went to bed. The raccoon had won the battle.
That does not mean the war is over. It's almost bonfire season and I will be able to enjoy my backyard. That raccoon is going down.
I told Grumpy that he didn't want to take the dogs outside. They wouldn't be safe. They, too, were being held captive. Soon Grumpy was beside me. We watched. We waited. He sat there and didn't move. Then he saw us. His eyes met mine and I knew that he knew that I was watching him. Grumpy had a bright idea. He was going to go after him. So he did.
He headed outside and towards the tree. That vicious creature had been coming down. I'm not sure what Grumpy had in mind when he headed out there. Maybe he was going to take him to dinner and a movie. All I know is he walked off the deck and to the tree that held him. He stared up towards him, but he had disappeared. Grumpy then proceeded to circle the tree. Like a lion looking for his prey, he walked around and around looking up the entire time. I think I heard him talking, and I kind of wondered what he was saying, but I kept the door shut so that I was safe. If Grumpy was going down, he was not going to take me with him. I was willing to sacrifice him if that meant freedom for the rest of us.
He didn't have to worry. The creature crawled up the tree and sat at the top. Watching Grumpy circle. Probably laughing and thinking he should come down just to see the dude at the bottom run like a little girl. But he didn't. He just sat there and watched. After about 20 minutes Grumpy decided it was pointless. He came back inside and we went to bed. The raccoon had won the battle.
That does not mean the war is over. It's almost bonfire season and I will be able to enjoy my backyard. That raccoon is going down.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
My Ultimate Broken Heart....
I've had my heart broken before. A few times. I don't understand why they didn't appreciate it when I followed them home or stood in front of their cars and refused to let them drive away. But for some reason they didn't understand that it was true love and they needed to be with me. And I didn't quite get the whole point of a restraining order. Fortunately, it didn't prevent me from accidentally being in the same place as long as I stayed 500 ft away.
Okay, I lied. I've never had a restraining order. the rest, well. What others call crazy I call passionate. That said, I've felt the broken heart. I've listened to sad songs just to make myself cry. I've wondered if I was going to survive the night. I've thrown breakable items at the head of the person that hurt me. We do what we can to survive.
Still, I've never known a broken heart like tonight. My child has had her first heartbreak. The Boyfriend broke up with her. She's taking it fairly well considering. Although I did see a side of me when she mentioned that she wasn't sure whether to kill him or his mom because his mom told him to do it. Don't worry, we have her on meds. They work. I promise.
So as we watched American Idol tonight she laid there beside me with her head on my lap and asked me what was wrong with her. Why were other girls better than her. And my heart was crushed. I couldn't possibly tell this amazing young lady what made her so very special. The love in her heart. The fact that she couldn't hurt a fly. The pure honesty that she speaks with. Even if it means blurting out at the dinner table that people think she's weird because she didn't know what masturbation was and that meant she hadn't done it. The fact that she is who she is and she's so confident in that. The fact that she can sing and melt your heart. The fact that she cannot tell a lie and cannot break a rule. Or her smile. The way it shines in her eyes. The way she would give her prized possession to someone in need if she thought it would help. Maybe simply the way she is satisfied the smallest of things that tell her she is loved.
I summed it up simply with there is nothing wrong with her. It's completely his loss. And it is.
Stalking heartbreakers may have to resume in my life.
Okay, I lied. I've never had a restraining order. the rest, well. What others call crazy I call passionate. That said, I've felt the broken heart. I've listened to sad songs just to make myself cry. I've wondered if I was going to survive the night. I've thrown breakable items at the head of the person that hurt me. We do what we can to survive.
Still, I've never known a broken heart like tonight. My child has had her first heartbreak. The Boyfriend broke up with her. She's taking it fairly well considering. Although I did see a side of me when she mentioned that she wasn't sure whether to kill him or his mom because his mom told him to do it. Don't worry, we have her on meds. They work. I promise.
So as we watched American Idol tonight she laid there beside me with her head on my lap and asked me what was wrong with her. Why were other girls better than her. And my heart was crushed. I couldn't possibly tell this amazing young lady what made her so very special. The love in her heart. The fact that she couldn't hurt a fly. The pure honesty that she speaks with. Even if it means blurting out at the dinner table that people think she's weird because she didn't know what masturbation was and that meant she hadn't done it. The fact that she is who she is and she's so confident in that. The fact that she can sing and melt your heart. The fact that she cannot tell a lie and cannot break a rule. Or her smile. The way it shines in her eyes. The way she would give her prized possession to someone in need if she thought it would help. Maybe simply the way she is satisfied the smallest of things that tell her she is loved.
I summed it up simply with there is nothing wrong with her. It's completely his loss. And it is.
Stalking heartbreakers may have to resume in my life.
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