Here Lies the Crazee Lady....

It's official. I must write my obituary. I am gone. I've died, gone to heaven and then gone to hell.

My urgent plea to move dessert night and partake of that slutty little dessert succeeded. We bought the ingredients. We, and by we I mean Grumpy, made the concoction. It was everything I hoped it would be combined with everything I feared it would be.

The combination was decadent. I'm pretty sure I committed at least five sins simply by eating it. The ice cream melted into it and I just cannot describe the orgasmic joy I felt along the way.

Then it was over.

And I was sick. Nauseatingly so. The overload of sugar was both fabulous and tragic at the same time. I'm sure I gained 10 pounds with that dessert and it will take four years to remove it.

I don't regret it.

I wouldn't do it often, but holy mother of pearl was it good.

I'd hop on the treadmill, but I don't own one. Besides, I'd probably just have the last piece of this in a bowl in my hand as I walked. So I might as well skip it. In fact, I might as well eat that piece so that no one else is tempted to try. We have to keep Drama Queen on her healthy eating plan, right? I'm doing it for the good of the household. Story of my life.

Let There Be .... Brownies...Or Cookies....Or Oreos....What??

In our house it is a priority to be healthy. We want to only eat good foods and exercise regularly. We strive to be as health conscious as possible. When you look at the salads and vegetables we have for dinner you would be ashamed for downing that bag of coconut creme Hershey Kisses by yourself in the closet.

Okay, I can cut the crap. The truth is, we aren't perfect. We eat junk. I would live off of chocolate and coffee with a side of liquor if it were up to me. Did I mention how very good those coconut creme Hershey Kisses actually are? And maybe I was in the closet. Maybe I was in the car waiting on Drama Queen to get out of her youth group. Who knows? Does it really matter?

Anyways, we try. We've been on a mission to try and make a few healthier choices. We have eliminated sweetened drinks. DQ might have a Coke or glass of tea occasionally, but even Grumpy went to diet drinks. A fact he is not proud of. Sometimes we cheat. Sometimes we have a dinner that is less than healthy. Meatball subs anyone? But overall we are making steps. One of those steps was to initiate dessert night. Now those Sundays in the car do not count. Our abolishing chocolate and other sweets from the daily menu only counts when Drama Queen is present. Since technically she INSIDE the church and I am OUTSIDE the church, it means I'm free and clear.

That said, we don't cheat between dessert nights. Really it should be called Crazee Lady, DQ and the Mom's feast. Grumpy could care less about dessert night. Most days. Yet it seems the week that I am wishing I had a chocolate IV. The week that I would kill my mother for a candy bar. The week that I offered to take care of a friend's ex for a lifetime supply of chocolate. THAT would be the week he give's a rats ass.

Yesterday I get an email from him. Yes he's located upstairs. We believe in communication. It says something about Slutty and I'm thinking what in the sam hill hell has he sent me now. Then I open it. It is a divine recipe from the Londoner called Slutty Brownies. Are you seriously kidding me? We are an entire week away from dessert night and he is going to send me that?? Brownies, cookies and oreos in one? With the promise of ice cream on top? The one thing that will kill me dead in my tracks.

He is a jackass and has joined my hit list. I will add him to the 'taking care of the friend's ex' list for free. I will bury them together. This is his punishment.

And dessert night has now been moved. It officially occurs today.